My 4th child Lewis Anthony

After five long years of brutal fighting with social services i was at the lowest id ever been. Drinking and taking party drugs (pills speed etc never stooped to heroin and still thank myself now) anything just to block out the hurt inside me. I thought i was the ugliest bird that walked the planet used to cringe when i looked in the mirror. All i could see were the scars all over my face from beatings id had. I didnt feel worthy of love just accepted life was shit. Had my lifelong best mate hev by my side shed had it rough too, we didnt talk about what had broken us we just got each other. I was in a relationship with a repulsive man (i dont use those words lightly) I wont mention his name out of respect for our son and hes not named on his birth certificate so thats one person il be keeping private. he was vile used me abused me humiliated me.......he was a little man i always say he had small man syndrome. I fell pregnant and he left me didnt want a kid he said it wasnt his .........lewis brought magic back into mine and hevs lives from day one, it was hev who came to scans with me hev who bought his first outfits hev was his dad before he was even born. 

when i was about 12 weeks gone, i got a phone call of the social worker who had my daniel forced adopted she wanted to come and see me panic shot through me i hadnt seen dan for 3 years had something happened to him, had she heard i was pregnant and she wanted this baby too............

two weeks later they came to my house told me daniel was back my daniel my baby boy how what where when my head was spinning and i fell over i was so shocked it was 6 years before he was 18 how can this have happened. within weeks i was seeing daniel regularly and as my bump grew so did our relationship again. on the 11th may 2004 on my daughter sallys 9th birthday i was taken into be induced. doctors didnt want to risk me having a rapid birth again like my third so they brought me on two weeks early. It was a long and horrendous birth ending with a forceps delivery. Hev was by my side right till the end when he popped out tears shot out from her eyes never seen anything like it and then i saw him my beautiful tiny baby boy. The very next day with multiple stictches i went home to be a single mum to lewis and daniel as that very day he came home again. I stopped drinking and havent really bothered since in fact been tee total for most of the last 11 years. No support of social services no help every reason to fail ....................but i didnt 

all photos of lewis are when he lived with me :)